I grew up in a Christian family somewhere in Africa where my parents and religion demonized gay and same-sex relationship. I lived under that doctrine until doctorate program took me to London. There I met a new culture which allowed everyone to be free and practice whatever they wanted. That was when I started asking questions. My question was simple; “what is the motive behind being gay?” This was part of my doctorate research which was supposed to unravel the motives behind sexual affiliations and other sexual choices.
As a guy I am meant to understand, right? Wrong! I never did. It was during my desperate search for answers that I came across gay male escorts. I prepared a questionnaire which I distributed systematically. I started with those that were straight. This group wasn’t so difficult to find. Then the bisexuals. I found them but not up to the number I had wanted.
Another group I found hard to get was those who decided to be celibates till they get married or for life. The clergy helped me out here. Besides them, I found it extremely difficult getting respondents from this group. What I quickly noticed was that those who took this option did so for religious reasons. Some of them admitted to having strong sexual urges which they struggle to suppress.
The next major challenge was when I wanted to sample the opinion of gays. As I heard, they were lots of guys who were gay but getting them to own up was difficult because of the subtle stigma and uncertainty associated with admitting to being gay. For weeks I tried without success. But, my research will not be complete without them, so I began to think of ways to deal with it.
It was during the desperate search that I encountered gay male escorts. They were the best chance I would have even though hiring cost me a lot of money – well, the little I hired helped me to expand my sample base by contacting their friends who also obliged to fill my questionnaire.
The first in the pool of gay male escorts I hired gave me a knot in my tummy – but subsequently, I started to become cool about the experience. I had a biased view and preformed opinion about gay people which made me uneasy to have a gay guy sitting next to me on the same sofa. In my head, I imagined all the terrible thing he could do to me, how he would overpower me, pin me down and rip my butt hole apart. None of that happened. That was my first lesson, “gay male escorts are not animals”.
I offered him a drink and made him comfortable before making my study known to him. I assured him that his identity would remain anonymous and he was excited to be part of the study – and the result. I gave him the questionnaire, and he began to fill it. Any question he found confusing I did well to explain to him.
As we continued to discuss I told him about my childhood and the opinion I have always had about gay. He flinched at some point but maintained his cool. In the end, he volunteered to help me reach out to other gay guys in the neighbourhood and beyond because it would be easier for them to communicate with one of them than with a stranger. He willingly became a part of my study without asking for any form of gratification. I was overwhelmed by the gesture and thank you was not enough – can never be enough.
During the analysis of my result, I made a stunning discovery, unlike the celibates whose decisions are backed by religion, gay men have more than one reason for becoming gay. There are those that become gay out of trauma. Some gay male escorts explained that they got into the industry as a means of livelihood while a few think they were born like that.
This suggests that there may be more to gay male escorts than meets the eyes. Is it possible that some sexual affiliation is the product of evolution? Or the explanations are just vain excuses to cover up what some religion term abomination? A big question is begging for answers.